I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
