get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
NoShamevember. You game?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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