HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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