I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
