im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize