what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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