So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
