my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
he was CRYING into my vagina
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Still dying that you shit outside
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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