I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
He literally asked permission to hit on me
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
