i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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