So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
