im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
