They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
