i would punch a child for taco bell
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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