Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
