No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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