I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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