Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
