i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
