Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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