Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
