..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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