HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
