If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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