peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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