yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
