I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I just threw up on my dentist
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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