he puts the penis in happiness.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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