We're like a lot better than the average bears
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
