Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
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