In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
