If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
