guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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