this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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