she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
