Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
