so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
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I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
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I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
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