i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
