Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
