We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
