We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
