Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I skipped work to stalk him.
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I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
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Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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