Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
