He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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