Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
