I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
