so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
