She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
