it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Princesses don't give blow jobs
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
