dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
