I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
