yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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