I cannot find my penis.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
