My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
this hospital has no fireball
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
