finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
