is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
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