oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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