You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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