Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
