Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
