I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
