You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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