if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
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I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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