I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
