im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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