chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
people are starting to question the shark bite story
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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