So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Randomize
