I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Im part way to drunk.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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