I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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