we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
