Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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