What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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