The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
