Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
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