I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
