Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
