new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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