I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
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